Polarity is on the rise, there are more discordant issues and a resurgence of nationalism and social exclusion. So are we more divided than ever?
We are being bombarded with up-to-the-minute information and social media rhetoric. Online influencers and peer pressure have replaced mentors and guides in organisations and society.
Life is also too convenient and comfortable with more technology and less time, drawing us to a place where we don’t have to think hard, move much or take action ourselves.
We have fewer meaningful connections and maybe don’t think deeply as much anymore, which stops us from being creative, problem-solving, and responsible adults.
We also take an adversarial approach when we feel threatened or fearful. This approach is conditioned in us as self-protection but stops us from being creative and collaborative.
There is more financial and personal insecurity, which means we feel we have less control and more to fear. This triggers an adversarial response, making us more inclined to be in conflict at work.
Conflict has increasingly moved online
Technology and the internet allow people to hide in the shadows. But cancel culture and censoring people means shutting down others with an alternative view, so we are closing off from opinions we don’t want to hear.
Conflict can give you a sense of meaning and purpose, especially if you are given a convincing narrative and a tribe to belong to. The problem is that we often take sides and start to believe passionately in something without truly knowing what that really means. We need attachment for safety and connection. If you don’t have it with your family and community, then it is replaced with peer orientation, and you can become more influenced by ‘friends’ and online groups.
Where does the workplace fit in with division vs mediation?
Meeting online has the advantage of enabling broader, more diverse dialogue and global reach without the need for travel. The other day, I met with 200 mediators from all over the world! However, online meetings also mean less social interaction and less chance for deeper bonding and strong connections.
Bullying and the perception of bullying are a huge problem. People struggle with being politically correct and fear speaking up when they probably should.
At work, we must build bridges, reframe division, balance different values, shift perspectives, encourage collaboration and listening and have a culture that welcomes diverse but respectful opinions. It is key to stop conflict quickly before it escalates from a breakdown in interaction into a full workplace dispute. We must seek positive partnerships to stop division, find ways to align, find common value and purpose and transform uncertainty to safety.
How mediators work to resolve division
Mediators are more than peacemakers; they are strategic, build trust, help reframe ideas, and uncover why each individual has a fixed position. We have to be able to stay calm, be patient, and sit in the fire. Mediators need a willingness to hear and listen to everyone’s perspective, not just allow one narrative, and to combine the pieces to form a bigger picture. We are neutral, listen without judgment, and acknowledge without being adversarial.
Mediators empower people to explore options for resolution and not just look at and follow one route. Resolution needs to focus on what you want or need rather than who is right or wrong.
Shutting down dialogue is dangerous and often means we go underground instead of having open discussions. It is much better to understand and explore where there is upset. Apart from moderating, the best way to deal with online conflict is to model better ways of discussing issues.
The parties involved often want you to be a magician to solve the problem, so they can sometimes turn on you. Mediators help them find their own solutions. As a mediator, it is not my job to say whether you are right or wrong, but to focus on the consequences of conflict. We cannot bury our heads, but equally we can never go back; we can only go forward.
Unravelling conflict can be complex, and all parties must work through the issues; there may not be just one easy solution. Our role as mediators is to give people the tools and skills to manage challenging conversations or difficult dialogue themselves.
What are the pitfalls of mediation?
Mediators can be drawn into wanting to offer a perspective and share a solution. Like myself, mediators are often lawyers, so we have opinions and are used to solving problems. However, it actually builds trust if you don’t offer solutions and instead facilitate those involved in finding their own. This gives both parties the responsibility for their own responses, mindsets, and ways forward.
We are facing so many challenges; are there any opportunities?
There will always be a shifting balance between peace and conflict. Utopia is not a practical ideology, whether we are discussing world conflict or conflict in the workplace.
We tend to take a simplistic view of issues because we have learned or been fed a narrative. If we take a step back, don’t take the narrative at face value, explore it more deeply, and have some form of dialogue about what we do and don’t like, we choose a resolutionary rather than a revolutionary path.
We can all act as mediators and make a difference by modelling healthy behaviour and choosing a different approach to conflict that stops provoking division and polarisation. Anyone can develop mediation skills and tools to find better ways of approaching conflict and differences. However, it is also good to have one or two internal champions or ReSolutionaries trained in the skills, tools and mindset of mediation.
Initiating open, constructive, and respectful dialogue around some of these issues in small groups and communities allows us to explore our feelings and responses and have big conversations. We must be more open to hearing those we disagree with instead of cancelling them.
We must remember that the consequences of not resolving conflict are far greater than the consequences of compromising, regardless of who is morally or legally right or wrong. We have to understand that, at work and societally, no one is coming to save us. The focus has to be on calm and respectful dialogue and a general will and commitment for reduced conflict.
